Cheating at Concordia exams has become so standard that the
challenge now is to get through an exam without cheating. The
only defence against it that the University has built up is the
threat of "academic misconduct." This warning is nothing short of an
imposed honour code, asking that you not make it hard for the
faculty to ignore your cheating or you'll make it harder for the
rest of us.
Do the invigilators and professors a favour: don't make it
obvious. Otherwise they will have to do their work and watch the
students instead of their watch. It takes the professors much more
effort to penalize an idiot who got caught than to mark their
otherwise successful exam.
Here are some tips for cheating on exams. Read on and help
yourself get those "Real grades for the Real world."
Sitting for an exam
It does not matter where you sit. If you sit in the back, you are
less likely to be noticed, but if you sit in the front, you are less
likely to seem suspicious. Wear a hat to cover your gaze. If you do
not wear a hat, simply cover your eyes with your damn hands.
Prepared cheating
Crib sheets: if you're allowed ‘em, use ‘em. If not, read on.
Neat crib-sheet hiding spots:
- Back of your calculator (if under strict supervision, copy
onto your exam, then rub off the writing from your calculator);
- Back of your ID card (since it needs to be shown on your desk
anyway);
- In your dictionary (be careful, I've seen a professor test for
this once by flipping through the pages. Instead try writing
lightly on the pages);
- Your water bottle label;
- Rolled-up and placed in the cap of your pen;
- The arm is just plain silly. Try the inside of your sleeve
instead.
More crib-sheet tips:
- Go to the exam early and write/tape your crib sheet on your
chair/desk/back of friend's head/shirt.
- Tape it to the back of the seat in front of you. You can't be
pinned for this.
- Take your notes out and hide them under the sheet on which
you're writing your answer. Flip pages back and forth to make it
look like you are reading the following page. Place the crib sheet
back in your pocket when you are finished.
Conspiracy cheating
After you have reviewed the questions, leave to go to the
bathroom. There's usually a study group of other students taking the
exam there anyway -- trading answers. If not, get out your sheets of
answers and consult. Do you have friends? If so:
- Arrange beforehand to concentrate and focus on different areas
of the study material. This "divide and conquer" method works out
-- half as much effort for all the marks.
- Leave to go to the bathroom with your friend. You can just
walk right out of the exam -- the invigilators won't chase after
you anyway, and they hardly keep track of who's gone and who's
coming back. Exchange answers outside.
- Write the exact questions you would like to review outside on
your hand.
- Sit next to your friend. You are hardly ever seated by the
teacher. If there is an empty column between seats, have your
friend sit in front of you. Makes it easier for him/her to show
you answers.
- If you and your friend know another language, use it. You
don't even have to be discreet -- the invigilators will ask you to
stop if they hear you -- and by then the answer has already been
traded without them being able to pin you.
- Ask your friend to hold up her/his exam, as if he/she is
reviewing the answers. Read the answers from behind. Exchange
roles after each test.
- Ask your friend to wait outside your exam room with your
textbook or notes for when you go out to the bathroom.
- If the invigilator escorts you to the bathroom (which hardly
happens), motion to your friend to go in after you. Don't worry,
the invigilator won't go in with you.
- Communicate with your friend using the least number of words
as possible. Leave the conversations before the end. Point to the
questions you would like to trade, and read them when your friend
"reviews his answers." Trade roles.
Interesting ways to cheat
Some students have gotten away with using a cellphone. Attach a
hands-free set and slide the microphone and earphone up your sleeve.
Speaking into your sleeve can allow for very discrete conversation,
with your friend. Text-messaging, a less effective method, works
too.
If none of these pointers help, then just get up and ask someone
in the class. That's bound to work, and may be such an obvious way
that it's unlikely to arouse suspicion.
The cheating at Concordia exams is an unfortunate case, and maybe
that will change. It is unfortunate for the rest of you honest
people who study hard and do the work. Maybe the the invigilators
will put more effort into their babysitting, maybe not.
And for you cheaters out there, remember the break-even point for
cheating: do not put more effort into cheating than actually
studying for the exam. Remember: Cheating is not a substitute for
being stupid -- it's a substitute for being smart.
This article is a "tongue-in-cheek" approach
to the issue of cheating at Concordia. The writer is not promoting
or supporting cheating with this article, but instead hopes
to bring attention to the popular cheating tactics used by
students. This article is one student's perspective and The
Link neither advocates nor endorses cheating.
